Gracefully Guarded: Setting Boundaries, Even When It’s Hard

Let’s be honest. Setting boundaries can feel like a betrayal, especially with people you love.

In church spaces and within our community, we are often socialized to bear suffering, to keep the peace, and to honor even when it has adverse effects on our mental and emotional well-being.

But in reality:

God never called you to be emotionally naive to prove your loyalty to someone else.

Boundaries are not unloving. Boundaries are biblical.

Even as a child, I’ve had a fierce disposition. I was self-assured. I was never one to conform or blend in.

But even with that confidence, I remember it was hard to say “no.”

Not because of missing out — but because I cared.

Because I cared too much, I didn’t want to hurt feelings.

I didn’t want to be dismissed or labeled as prideful.

So, I remained too available.

I was running on fumes, yet I kept saying “Yes.”

And bore the heavy emotional burden of perplexing psychological fatigue, confusion, and resentment.

Eventually, I had to face something I didn’t want to admit:

I was breaking myself to keep others comfortable.

That was the moment God brought to my heart:

“Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.” (Matthew 5:37)

This was not simply about being truthful—it was about being aligned.

If my "yes" did not stem from peace, there was no obedience—only performance in my spirit.

And then Ecclesiastes quietly spoke to my heart.

“…a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing…” (Ecclesiastes 3:5)

This verse was so liberating.

I realized I do not need to retain every bond to honor God.

Sacred seasons of closeness exist, and so do healing seasons of space.

Both are valid. Both are biblical.

So now what? I continue to love hard and care deeply.

I also actively guard my peace—no longer tormented by guilt.

Because boundaries are not about walls.

They’re about wisdom - wisdom being built around the soul God is shaping within me.

If you feel guilt for needing space…

If you make yourself constantly available for the sake of being “loyal” or “loving” to your own detriment…

Take a deep breath - this is your permission.

Peace is not a luxury – but rather a fruit.

A sign that you are rooted, grounded—and whole.

The Bible does not merely summon us to have faith but to have a sound mind. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

A sound mind doesn’t live in chaos.

It doesn’t run on guilt.

It honors God by honoring boundaries.

You're permitted to pause. 

You're permitted to tell the truth. 

You're permitted to guard yourself gently. 

And even while doing all this, 

You are still loving. Still faithful… and still becoming.

Lord, instruct me on how to cherish the tranquility You embedded in me. Assist me in letting go of guilt, accepting wisdom, and establishing boundaries with courage and compassion. May my ‘yes’ overflow with serenity… and my ‘no’ with self-awareness. In Jesus’s name, amen.